Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Grudges... Just Let Them Go!!!

I have family (not my immediate, Thank God)... that have family members that they just "don't talk to". It seriously took me a while to "get it"... like - "what do you mean, you don't talk to them?"... I just don't understand how anyone can wake up in the morning and know there are people "out there" that they just won't talk to??? Serious Grudges... And, I'm sure they can all go to their grave in good conscious ... it's usually over 1 incident in the family... no one "cleared the air"... and that's it... the relationship is OVER! PLEASE...don't ever let that be me... if I've ever done anything to upset or insult anyone... my biggest wish is that you tell me - if I was ever someone that was on some one's "black list" - it would be devastating. Everyone gets hurt or disappointed at some point, that's life! Some people are able to shake things off and move on. Others hold on to resentment for years. Here are my feeling If you are holding a grudge (is that not an ugly word "grudge")?
1. Decide to move on. You expend more energy holding a grudge than you do letting one go. Once you choose to move on, the grudge will gradually dissipate.
2. Take the time to get clear about what you're feeling and why. If you have something that needs to be said, say it. If you have already voiced your grievance, then resolve any other feelings yourself.
3. Accept what is. Be the bigger person and put the incident behind you. Stop waiting for signs of remorse. Chances are the other person has already put the issue behind them.
4. Forgive. Forgiving someone doesn't exempting them from their actions. It doesn't change the facts. It does mean that you acknowledge that the person is human and that we all make mistakes.
5. Try and find the positive out of the situation (this is hard, I know) Shift your focus. Maybe you learned a lesson and discovered something new about yourself.
6. Just "drop it". Don't feed the monster. Once you've voiced your resentment and committed to moving on, don't continually talk about the offense. Dwelling on it is too much wasted energy!
Make sure you can go to bed at night knowing there is NO ONE out there that you "don't talk to"... I'm sure you'll sleep better!

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